Beverages

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mexicokewm

At my office, we have refrigerators stocked daily with free drinks. I’ve been drinking tall glass bottles of Coca-Cola for the last month and absolutely loving it. But yesterday, the bottles were all gone and I was forced to open up a can instead. What immediately startled me was how different the canned version tasted. It was sour and left a nasty aftertaste in my mouth. Had I been spoiled by the glorious bottle version? I’d heard claims that some people detest canned drinks because aluminum allegedly adds a metallic tint. But here I was, can in hand. My taste buds weren’t lying.

I grabbed a bottle of Coke for a lunch meeting today and ended up making small talk with a client about the taste of Coke. He told me that the metallic taste in the can was only half the problem. Because the glass bottles were imported from Mexico, they didn’t use high-fructose corn syrup like American drinks. Instead, the Coke I was drinking used pure cane sugar. Ah… so that was the difference.

I found myself wondering how different other American drinks taste in other countries. In any case, if you ever go to a local Mexican grocery store, try some Mexican Coke. If you check the ingredients label, it will say ‘sugar’ rather than ‘sucrose’ and ‘glucose.’ The taste is amazing.

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The Ginger People’s Ginger Beer is a very sweet and slightly bitter drink. Don’t be fooled. It’s nothing like Ginger Ale.

The bottle proudly highlights the fact that Ginger Beer won NASFT’s ‘Most Outstanding Beverage’ for 2000. The drink is made from cane sugar and natural ginger juice. When I was a kid, I used to hate ginger. If I accidentally bit into some ginger while eating fish or something, I’d run to the sink and throw up. Lately, I seem to be enjoying ginger-products more. I drink ginger ale. I eat ginger with sushi. Ginger Beer is bringing me one step closer to the dark side. I still hate Ginger Spice though.

Protip: If you drink Ginger Beer, do so from the bottle. The murky appearance is unsettling and may turn you off to an otherwise delicious drink. It looks like diluted paint.

Score: 4/5 non-alcoholic beers

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According to the official website, the word BIOTA is the acronym for: “Blame It On The Altitude(r).” I’m not sure what that means but I suppose it has to do with the water’s point of origin.

BIOTA’s distinguishing factor is its biodegradable bottle. Amidst concerns that the plastic might dissolve into the water, the website reassures us that the bottle must first be opened, emptied, and placed under the right conditions. It sounds pretty ridiculous if you ask me. How would a bottle know when it can start decomposing? The answer: it can’t!

The following is a true story. My friends and I briefly switched over to BIOTA a couple of months ago when our supply of SmartWater was cut off. The first thing we noticed was that the BIOTA water tasted kind of funny. We were all too awed by the pretty blue color of the bottle to realize that if you held it up to the light, there were particles floating around. Needless to say, we no longer touch the stuff.

I thought I’d do a little experimenting so I grabbed a bottle from work and put it in my car. The sun did the rest. You can see the results below. The bottle expanded, causing the labels to crack and fall off. I looked inside and sure enough, there were particles.

Needless to say, I think I’ll be using BIOTA to water my plants.

Score: 1/5 playful particulates

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IZZE

IZZE is delightful, or so I suspect. I can never tell for sure these days because my sense of taste is wonky. The drink supposedly contains no refined sugar, no caffeine, and no artificial flavors. It definitely tasted more bland than the average soda. But I mean that in a good way.

In terms of texture, IZZE is light and crisp, with just enough carbonation to burn your throat.

From a design perspective, the can is tall and narrow, resembling that of an energy drink. The art is also wonderfully minimalist. Also, the company has a philanthropic edge, which I find interesting.

Score: 4/5 burning bubbles

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Adina

There are different flavors of Adina out there, but this review is going to concentrate on the Mojita: a marriage of lime and mint. The minty freshness brings out the lime flavor. The lime flavor covers up the taste of mouthwash. You know that feeling after you’ve brushed your teeth and you decide to eat something sour? Yeah. It’s like that, but in bottle form.

In truth, the Mojita is basically a Mojito without the alcohol. You can insert whatever sexist remark you want here. I have none.

In fact, my only complaint with Adina is regarding the packaging. Specifically, the design of the cap is wonky. I’ve had about 40-50 of these babies since I started reviewing drinks. Every single time I twist the cap off, I spill juice on myself. Now, I’d like to think that I possess sufficient motor reflexes and hand-eye coordination to open a bottle. But who knows? Maybe I just suck at opening bottles. Or maybe, just maybe… the bottle is so full that every twist-off results in splotches of Adina all over my shirt. Regardless of mechanics, the drink tastes good. And that’s what matters. Ideally.

Score: 4.5/5 liquid explosions

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The Book of Judges states that Delilah was a pretty woman; at least attractive enough to attract big dumb proto-bishonen Samson. They had lower standards back then, so she probably wasn’t very pretty. In any case, she turned out to be an evil woman. History repeats itself with Hi-ball Energy. Beveragedom’s very own Philistine woman. For starters, look at the picture. Look at how pretty it looks. Look at how the light just glistens on the surface. Look at how the water sparkles and glows orange, inviting the thirsty to partake and be filled.

So you go to the store and buy it, not knowing what to expect. It looks good. Surely, it must taste good too. Then you drink it and turn into dust like that bad guy at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

The problems. Oh, where to begin? The label says ‘Orange Soda.’ But it doesn’t taste like orange at all. It’d be more accurate to call it ‘flavorless carbonated water,’ except it actually does have a flavor: bitter. Secondly, the drink is full of Taurine. In order words, it’s a flavorless Red Bull.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only thing this drink is good for is its incredibly sturdy bottle. If you’re ever mugged in an alleyway, you can pound your attacker over the head with it. The guy’ll probably die from impact, but the bottle will be fine. Then you’ll be glad you bought this drink that you won’t ever drink because it tastes horrible.

Choose wisely.

Score: 1/5 Philistines defeated by the jawbone of an ass

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I’m drinking this as I write, so as to get the most accurate analysis. There’s definitely a crisp initial flavor that you can taste with your tongue. Afterwards, there’s a sweet aftertaste. You can taste the bitterness of the tea. But at the same time, you can feel the sugar trying to blanket it. I suppose it’s like a cold version of chrysanthemum tea.

The back of the bottle states: “send us your quote or artwork. If we like it, we will put it on our label.” Well, that’s awfully nice of them. Or perhaps, this way they don’t have to spend money and hire a real artist. The last one didn’t exactly do a very good job, what with the swishy lines clearly made in Adobe Illustrator. No offense, Mr. Jason Gomez.

Score: 3.5/5 awkward cyanide references

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