On my flight back to San Francisco, I had a 9 hour layover in Beijing. Chris, Andrew, and I decided to leave the airport and visit the city. Our goal: eat some Peking duck.
Having come from two weeks of hot and humid weather in South East Asia, our bodies were not prepared for the freezing cold. The icy blast that awaited us as we stepped out of the terminal into the morning air nearly knocked us over. We quickly jumped into a cab and asked to be taken to Tiananmen Square.
The drive took an hour and a half and was filled with banter which I lovingly refer to as “China Sass.” Basically, cab drivers in mainland China don’t take crap from anyone. Don’t speak English? Too bad. Get out of my cab. Want to go somewhere? You know nothing. I have a better idea.
“Why the heck do you guys want to go to Tiananmen Square,” the driver asked us in Chinese. “I’ll take you guys somewhere better.”
“Uh… okay.”
Welcome to China.
The reason the drive took an hour and a half was because there are a million cars on the road and no carpool lane. Also, people don’t follow traffic laws. On several occasions, I was nearly run over by a car when I clearly had the right of way.
“Oh well. That’s China,” Chris said to me.
Eventually, we ducked into a coffee shop next to the ”Rich Hotel” to warm up. We sat next to some chain smoking fellows. Coffee was ridiculously overpriced… but beer was not. Oddly enough, large bottles of beer cost less than small bottles of beer. So we opted for the former.
I am sure by now, you are envious of my adventurous lifestyle. I mean, can you say you’ve ever sat in a Chinese coffee shop at 10:00 in the morning, drinking warm beer out of a bottle while listening to soft rock mixed with the chatter of chain-smoking Chinese businessmen? Kevin 1, World 0.
Beijing is also home to the skinniest Santa I have ever seen. He also plays the saxophone, an act that certainly elevates his coolness factor several levels above our lame Western variant. Instead of bringing elf-craft toys to poor children form his reindeer sleigh, Chinese Santa redistributes property and distributes pictures of Mao.
We did get a chance to walk around Tiananmen Square. It was wonderful. At the risk of being forever banned from the beautiful country of China (which I hope to visit again in the future) I will say no more about this place.
This is Zhengyangmen, the front gate to the Forbidden City. Don’t ask me anymore about its significance. My Chinese history is rusty.
Here’s the other side of the tower/gate.
Okay. I will say a few more things about Tiananmen Square. You see this soldier staring sternly at bystanders taking photos? Pretty cool, huh?
Now look in the background and you’ll see another soldier standing on a pedestal, surrounded by plexiglass. Now that is badass.
Sadly, we did not get a chance to see the mummified body of Chairman Mao. The guard told us we couldn’t bring cameras and bags inside. When I asked him where we could leave our items for safekeeping, he pointed across the street. Unwilling to play real-life Frogger, we moved on to our next destination.
Here’s a shopping center directly south of Zhengyangmen and Chairman Mao Zedong Memorial Hall. Don’t be fooled by the ornate decorations. There was a Starbucks right around the corner.
Andrew and Chris bought some tea here at the Tianfu Tea House. As we were walking down this alley looking for some hot noodle soup, the lady at the door invited us to step away from the cold outdoors and into the warm store. The saleswomen told us to sit down and poured us some hot tea. That was it. We were trapped. However, the tea was indeed delicious and warmed us up right away!
There was an ice cream shop nearby that didn’t fare so well.
Eventually, we made it to Quanjude, a famous Peking Duck restaurant. Originally, we wanted to go to a different restaurant. However, when we jumped in a cab, the lady driver basically told us we were idiots and drove us to Quanjude instead. What did I say about China Sass?
Before I comment on the duck, I want to say a few words about Quanjude’s exceptional restroom service. I’ve been to many toilets in my life, but none have been quite as special as Quanjude’s.
Earlier, while attempting to flag down a taxi on the street, I had stumbled into an infamous Beijing public toilet. Essentially, it was a hole in the ground covered in feces — there was no toilet paper or hose. The room smelled like durian.
In stark contrast, Quanjude’s restroom smelled like roses and came equipped with a personal servant. “Hello sir, please come in,” he said to me as I ran to the urinal. When I finished, he directed me to the faucet and turned on the water for me. “Please wash your hands, sirrrrrr.” He then directed me to soap. “Here is the soap, sirrrrr.”
Then, he turned off the faucet for me and handed me paper towels with tongs! “Here is the wastebasket, sirrrr.” Finally, as I turned to leave. He said “Xiansheng manzhou” (goodbye sir). “Did he also flush the toilet for you?” my friends asked.
Enough about the toilets. We ordered Peking duck, some Chinese Kale (Gai Lan), and a beef dish. The waitress looked at us incredulously. I’m sure in the kitchen, the chefs were shocked. “What… someone ordered a dish that isn’t duck? Quick, grab the cow and kill it now!”
The duck was brought out and sliced thinly.
Afterwards, Chris asked for a receipt. In China, all receipts come with a scratcher and a code for prizes. This was put in place to give customers an incentive to ask businesses for receipts when paying with cash. Doing so forces a business to create a paper trail, making it more difficult to avoid taxes.
Maybe something similar should be implemented in America. Think of all the extra tax revenue our state governments would collect from cash-only restaurants.
Rather than risk being stuck in traffic for another hour and a half and missing our connecting flight to San Francisco, we decided to take the subway back to the airport. We made it back in about 30 minutes.
And with that, our little excursion into Beijing came to an end.
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